TLDR: I finished.
Preface
<excerpt from my Instagram post the day before the race>
I am headed back for the first time in 10 years to attempt this race and finish what I started. It starts at 12:01am tonight and ~150 runners will attempt the 67 mile journey with over 13,000 feet of elevation gain through some mountains in Virginia.
A lot has changed in 10 years. I just hope I am mentally stronger than I was in 2014 and can push myself to finish under the 18 hour cutoff. At least I’m not lacking hours of sleep!
The pictured race bib is from my DNF. It has been in our house since that day and occasionally I will see it and think back to the moment I called it quits. Tonight, I’m going for redemption.
The other picture is a sticker I found in a collection my kids have that spilled all in my car. This sticker found me and I have held onto it for obvious reasons. Just keep moving. Enjoy the highs and battle through the lows and just keep moving. But most of all, Don’t Quit. Here we go!
Race Report
To understand the magnitude of this race for me, we have to go back 10 years. In 2014 I signed up to run the Beast Series, a collection of six races throughout the year:
Holiday Lake 50k
Terrapin Mountain 50k
Promise Land 50k
Grindstone 100 Miler
MMTR 50 miler
Hellgate 100k++
Not long after I signed up for the series my wife and I found out we were expecting our second child with a due date of December 18, 2014. I remember panic setting in and thoughts of “what am I going to do if I get to Hellgate?!?” It soon became a “cross the bridge when we get there” scenario.
I finished the first five races and everything was up in the air with Hellgate. On December 9 my wife went into labor and we went to the hospital. My son was born December 10. The race was scheduled to start December 13 at 12:01 am. Although I was lacking a normal week’s worth of sleep, after discussing things with my wife, we agreed I would give it a go.
In a quick summary, a friend crewing me got lost trying to get to an aid station to provide me with my supplies and nutrition, I got discouraged en route to another aid station due to “Horton miles,” and finally the thoughts of my family and newborn son at home crept into my head and eventually I decided enough was enough and I dropped out at mile 47.5 ending my pursuit of Beast Series and Hellgate finisher.
For years, my race bib was occasionally spotted in my basement reminding me of that day and the miles and moments leading up to making the decision to drop. It almost haunted me. I regretted dropping. Physically I felt like I could have finished but my heart just wasn’t in it. I hoped one day to go back and finish what I started. My son’s birthday was always around race weekend so I never attempted to go back. Until now.
Fast forward to 2024. I don’t know when it was exactly, maybe during the summer, I said to my wife “hey wouldn’t it be cool if I went back to Hellgate on the 10 year anniversary of my first DNF and finished it and you and the kids were at the finish line to meet me?” My son’s birthday falling on Tuesday helped with the decision and no birthday parties would be missed. Just like in 2014, my wife said Go For It!
I submitted my application in early October. When it asked what races I had finished in the past year that I think would qualify me to run Hellgate I didn’t have a good answer. I had planned to run the Yeti 100 Mile Endurance Run but Hurricane Helene canceled that. I ran the Pilot Mountain to Hanging Rock 50 miler the day Yeti was supposed to be held finishing 9th overall in 11h19m. Besides that, I had no other races. I would have to rely on the races prior to the past year to see if I would be allowed to run. Umstead 100 in April, 2023, Yeti 100 in September 2022, Blackbeard’s Revenge 100 in March 2022. All of these would be considered “flat” in the ultrarunning community. Would that be enough to be considered to run Hellgate?
Even though other races were years ago, I included them as well. Massanutten 100, Grindstone 100, all the Beast Series races from 2014, Uwharrie 100k. You name it, I listed it. If it had elevation I wanted to include it in hopes that Dr. Horton would give me a second chance at his race.
October 16, 2024
“I am sorry to inform you, but the Race Committee (RC) did not select you for the Hellgate 100k 2024 race.”
This was the email I received. I did not get in. I was disappointed but I understood that I had not done enough races with elevation recently to fairly state that I was worthy of gaining entry. I was ok with that, but I left my name in for the second chance drawing which would be two weeks later. I really had no hope for that either. Why would I get picked on the second round if my resume wasn’t good enough in the first round? Nothing was going to change between October 16 and 30 to increase my chances. Nevertheless, I did not withdraw from the race selection.
October 30, 2024
“Good news to all of you who are receiving this email. You have been selected by the RC to participate in the December 14, 2024 Hellgate 100k.”
I was in. I couldn’t believe it. Truly an “oh crap” moment because I hadn’t really trained hard for the past two weeks as I didn’t think I would get in. I had to make a quick mental change and get my head back in the game. I was going to Hellgate 100k!
Through the avenues of Strava and email, I coordinated a ride to the race and a place to hang out before the race start with some new friends. Thank you Chris Brand and Herbert Krabel for your kindness and generosity that helped make this race a truly memorable experience.
I attended the pre-race dinner with Herbert and another racer, Matt Stanek, and met some veterans with numerous finishes. We heard stories of the 2019 race with cold rain that made it miserable and I thanked my lucky stars that we were going to have good weather. After dinner we headed back to the cabin located near the start line to rest and make final preparations. I didn’t sleep. I laid on the couch with a Buff over my eyes and tried to sleep but my mind was racing. I was so nervous. As 11 pm rolled around we confirmed all our gear, got a picture of the three of us who would be running and then headed to the start line.
My wife and kids planned to come up Saturday morning and find me at the next available aid station so all I had to do was run through the night and then I would have some fans to cheer me on. For weeks I had played out the finish in my head: family there cheering me on including my 10 year old son there to put a cap on this story years in the making. I couldn’t wait to introduce everyone to Dr. Horton, shake his hand and thank him for giving me a second chance to finish what I started. But first, I had to run 67-ish miles.
Runners gathered at the start, we sang the National Anthem and then Dr. Horton said a prayer for us. It was midnight. We counted down to the start and at 12:01 am Saturday morning, December 14, 2024, 140 runners took off into the dark, cold Virginia night.
I had two goals for this race. Goal # 1 was to just finish the race. # 2 was to go sub-17 in order to get my Western States qualifier. With the Yeti 100 canceled for 2024 I did not have a WS 100 qualifier for the 2025 race and was unable to enter the 2024 lottery. If I could finish Hellgate I would obtain my qualifier for the 2026 race which would be ideal.
I got about a mile into the race and realized my rain coat outer shell I had on was making me too hot and I did not want to sweat so I took it off and laced in through the back of my pack. Shortly after the third mile I rolled my right ankle and went down. I couldn’t believe it. Not even four miles in and I was afraid that I just put my entire race in jeopardy. I stood up and took some deep breaths and started walking. With each step the pain slowly faded away until I was able to run again. It was so early and although I was back running I was afraid that it would cost me later in the race. I still had 63 miles left!
Once we reached the end of the first section we started the long climb up a gravel road, aka Petite’s climb. 4.3 miles up, up, up. I took it easy mostly walking but I would occasionally run. It was amazing to look up and see all the headlamps traversing up the mountain. We were blessed with an almost full moon and clear skies. Eventually I turned my headlamp off and ran by moonlight. Anytime you can run in the dark with a shadow, it’s truly amazing.
Arriving at aid station 2, I grabbed a few things to eat but did not linger. Doing so in this type of race will cause you to get cold really quickly. That’s one benefit of running a winter race, you are not tempted to stay long in the aid stations. I headed out and continued up to finish this first climb. The next several hours were just more of the same. Climb and descend over and over. Thanks to a previous race report, I had some great mileage points mapped out to know when a climb would end, where an aid station would be, things like that. I wasn’t worried about wondering where the heck the next aid station was like I did in 2014. I mainly just told myself keep your head down, run, walk, hike, whatever, just keep moving. One mile at a time, step by step gets you closer to the finish. Endure the night and new life comes with sunrise.
The first half of the race was pretty uneventful. Besides the rolled ankle, the only thing that hurt were the downhill trails with rocks covered by leaves. Anytime I would step on a rock and my ankle would move one direction or the other it was painful. But, it wasn’t enough to make me start thinking about quitting. I just kept moving.
I continued in and out of aid stations 3 and 4, always thanking the volunteers for being there. Aid station 4 had my drop bag which was just nutrition. With the dry weather I didn’t even pack a spare pair of socks or shoes or even any other clothes. Risky? Maybe. But it worked out. I was wearing my typical XOSKIN toe socks and a brand new pair of Topo Ultraventure 3 trail shoes. Who wears brand new shoes on race day? I’ve never done it before but I did and it worked out fine.
Coming into aid station 5, Jennings Creek, was a 2.9 mile descent. It seemed to last forever. Just before it, the moon was beginning to set growing more and more orange by the minute while opposite of that the sky was starting to lighten up preparing for sunrise. Down, down, down this descent, I finally came into Jennings creek AS. Grabbed some food and headed out. It was this aid station in 2014 where my friend failed to meet me, I believe. This is when the wheels started to come off. I was bound to not let that happen again.
Leaving AS 5 we had a 2.5 mile climb. Daylight increasing by the minute, I was in a much better place mentally than I was 10 years ago. When I got to the top of this climb there was a gate we had to go around and I noticed what looked like a make-shift road to the left so I went left. This was wrong. I ran around the corner and then this make-shift road became less traveled and looked more grown up and I started questioning if I was on course. I turned around and ran back to the gate and noticed I needed to go straight across to be back on trail. I think it only cost me a quarter mile or so but I was back on course with the orange streamers. I took this time to just settle down and not get frazzled by making the wrong turn. Nature called so I answered and then started the 3.5 mile descent. This was a long descent and one guy had passed me since I made the wrong turn but I could not catch him on the downhill section. He was handling this section very well. I eventually did catch him on an uphill and told him how well he did and he said that the downhills were treating him better than the uphills. I guess his climbing legs weren’t all there.
Aid station 6 - coming in here I recall 10 years ago I was mad. I thought this AS was supposed to be several miles before it actually was. The Horton miles added to my frustration then. Not this year. My mentality had changed. I just kept my head down and told myself to keep moving. Don’t worry about what mile you’re at just keep moving and you’ll get there eventually. I did and it was a welcomed surprise with warm pizza rolls among other foods. I have never eaten pizza rolls during a run but when I saw them I said YES, grabbed a handful and put them in a napkin and headed out knowing the next section would be emotional for me.
Leaving this aid station it was several back to back climb/descend sections starting with 2.1 miles up then 2.8 miles down. By this point my family was nearing Bearwallow Gap to meet me for the first time.
This was the section where I decided to throw in the towel 10 years ago. My mental state had deteriorated by this point and I was over it. I didn’t want to be there anymore. I wanted to be home with my family. I can remember calling my wife and telling her all that had gone wrong and my heart wasn’t in it anymore. Meanwhile she’s literally at Walmart with a newborn trying to find diapers because he was due December 18 and we weren’t completely prepared. These days she would tell me to shut it, suck it up, keep moving and go get it done. Back then she had more important things to worry about and didn’t not offer such encouragement. It was done. My mind was made up. I had decided to drop. And that’s how it ended in 2014.
Not to be the case this year. I was excited to see my family. My legs felt great. I had taken some ibuprofen around mile 35 to keep the ankle at bay and by this point it had kicked in. My climbing legs were doing their thing. I was running great on the downhills. This was my best section of the race.
The single track was a welcoming change of terrain. I felt like I was flying in this section. My fastest mile of the race was mile 36 at 9:22 pace. Miles 40-42 and 44 were all in the 10-11 minute range. I remember passing numerous people on this section. As I was running I was reliving those moments from 10 years ago in my head. I was constantly thanking God for getting me this far and prayed He would continue to push to the finish. It was evident that He was there with me, pushing me, almost saying “you got this….you may have failed here 10 years ago but I’m here with you now and I’m going to help you get through it.” And He did.
I came into Bearwallow Gap aid station expecting to be emotional. Relieved, yes, but not shedding tears or anything. I still knew the task at hand. It was great seeing my family. I reloaded with things from my drop bag, gave them all a hug and told them how much I appreciated them being here but that I had to run! So I headed out for the last 20 miles.
Obviously everything from here on was uncharted territory for me. A 2.2 mile climb out of the aid station, I just kept pushing. My climbing legs were still there. I wasn’t fast compared to some, I’m sure, but I was moving at a good pace for me and it was nowhere near a death march. This is where I started playing mental math games.
My A-goal for this race was sub-17 in order to qualify for Western States. B-goal was just finish under the 18 hour cutoff. I knew that a 15:13 pace for the entire race would get me sub-17 so I had my Coros watch set to display mileage and overall pace along with total time. By running the section leading into Bearwallow Gap so well I had reduced my overall pace to sub-14 minute miles. It sounds so slow when I say it like that but to those non-runners, it’s honestly not terrible when you’re in any sort of ultra-distance race. Now for mental math. Averaging 14:13 per mile for the race would put me at 67 minutes to the good of my sub-17 hour goal. That means it would actually be sub-16 hours. The seed was planted and that became my new goal. I constantly told myself just keep doing what you’re doing. Everything I was doing was working. I was walking most of the uphills except where I could run the lesser % inclines. I was running the downhills at a good pace but nothing outrageous that would cause me to trip or fall and put the rest of the race in jeopardy.
After finishing the 2.2 mile climb out of Bearwallow Gap AS there was a 4.2 mile section leading into Bobblet’s Gap aid station at the parkway. I can’t recall exactly but this may have been the section where I saw another runner who was not part of the race and he said due to a weather storm coming in overnight the parkway was going to be closed soon and that would impact people getting to their runners. It did not affect me seeing my family but they weren’t crewing me anyway. Others behind me could have been a different story.
I came into the aid station and all aid had been moved to the tailgate of a guy’s truck. I told them my number but he said they weren’t taking numbers there. Grabbed what I needed, filled up bottles, said hello to the family and told them to get out of there quickly and I would meet them at the final aid station. Our dog Marli didn’t understand why I would keep showing up and then leaving within minutes. She really wanted to go run with me.
Here we go! Less than 14 miles remaining in the race. One more significant climb on the last section. I knew I would finish now. I was so happy. My legs were still doing their thing. Of course they were getting tired but I never got into a death march.
The descent out of aid station 8 was 2.7 miles down a gravel-ish road. Again, I did not blast it, I just ran it the same way I had been the whole race. I kept an eye on my watch and was still in great shape for sub-16. Once the descent ended there was a section that was up then down and repeat with each of the ups and downs being under a mile. Mostly runnable terrain still, I was loving this back side of the course. There were occasional sections with ankle/shin/knee-deep leaves that I had to watch out for in case there were rocks hiding underneath but nothing major. Finally hit the last 1.2 mile downhill into aid station 9 and I just enjoyed it knowing the end was near.
One climb and one descent remain. I loitered at the last aid station for a minute or two, grabbed a honey stinger waffle and then headed out with another runner. We chatted for a bit going up the 2.3 mile climb. The fatigue finally started to settle in. As I neared the top either I slowed down a bit or he pulled ahead because he went ahead of me and I never saw him again.
I took a moment to look around at the scenery. For hours on end I kept my head down looking at the trail in front of me. As trail runners we do this all the time in order to stay upright. So often I fail to stop and just take a look around at the beauty surrounding me, especially at the top of peaks and climbs. While I didn’t stop, I did take a moment to snap a picture near the top of this last climb. It was now time for one more downhill, a chance to contemplate not only the last 16 hours but the last 10 years.
At the end of the last climb I looked down at my watch and my overall average pace was right at 14:14 per mile. I knew that sub-16 was guaranteed. I was so happy.
I began my descent and my legs were feeling like they were ready to be done. I decided to just enjoy the last few miles and not blaze the trail. There was nothing left to prove. I did pass one runner and offered some encouragement to him as I went by. Soon the decline began to smooth out and I was on the gravel road to the finish line at Camp Bethel.
I thought about the night before, driving into camp to the pre-race meal and seeing the finish line chute and wondering what that would be like the next day.
I thought about the numerous pictures I had seen of other runners in years past coming into that finish line with the clock in the background and Dr. Horton there to greet them.
I thought about my family and especially my wife who has always been supportive of me and this crazy “hobby” I have. Ultrarunning is a selfish sport, but I am happy to be surrounded by people who not only care about my goals but encourage me to do whatever it takes to meet them.
I hope that one day my kids will see that they can do anything they set their minds to. It may not be running and I’m ok with that. But I hope they will challenge themselves, do what they love and give it a ton of effort.
Just up ahead I reached 1 mile to go spray painted on the road. One. Final. Mile. After running 66 previous, enjoying the moonlight with no headlamp, watching the moon set on one side of me and the sun brighten the sky on the other, through all the ups and downs, this was it.
I turned into camp and could hear other runners being cheered on as they crossed the finish line. I looked around and saw no one close in front or behind. This was my moment.
The finish line came into view as I crossed the bridge. The storybook ending was here. I ran through the chute and crossed the finish line as Dr. Horton announced my name. I walked up and shook his hand as he asked how many finishes and I replied “one.” He asked how many starts, one? I said two, but the other was in 2014. I went on to tell him the story and pointed to my son when I told him the reason for dropping out and the reason why I haven’t tried to come back — his birthday always fell on or near race weekend and it just never worked out. My son and daughter came up and he met both of them. We got some great pictures that I will enjoy forever.
I thanked him for giving me a second chance and emphasized that I didn’t get in after the first round of picks but did on the second. It was just all meant to be.
This truly is an amazing ending to a story that began 10 years ago. No, I didn’t finish the Beast Series officially. But as they call it in tennis when you win all four grand slams at some point during your career, I can call myself a “career” Beast Series finisher. I didn’t get them all done in one year but I did finish each race.
It was amazing to see so many people with numerous finishes that just keep coming back. Some with 8 finishes, 13, 17, even one person (Jerry T.) who has finished the race all 22 years of existence. Those that endure whatever weather that is thrown at them. I was lucky. I had great weather in 2014 and again in 2024. I remember thinking during the race, I can’t imagine doing this in cold rain like 2019. This race truly does challenge you both mentally and physically. I can see why it is so special to so many runners.
Will I go back? I don’t know. I’m ok if I don’t. I completed the task at hand and can forever call myself a Hellgate finisher.
Special thanks to Chris Brand and Herbert Krabel for your kindness and generosity getting me to Fincastle, allowing me a place to close my eyes and rest before the race start, and a ride to the start line.
And a huge congratulations to Chris for a 3rd overall finish including smashing the Grand Masters course record by 57 minutes. You are amazing!
Finally, thank you to my family for the continuous support day in and day out. Especially my wife who compromises our schedules to make sure I can get in a long run on the weekends. Thank you for always having the “go for it” attitude when I mention what crazy stupid race I want to do next. I love you!
So, what's next?
Dude's making me cry! Great writing and a fantastic story. You're the real deal Nathan Kreeger. Congratulations :) The only thing Hellgate had on you was a bit of unlucky history and I am glad you finally got that monkey off your back.
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